The History of the Zodiac

It’s all fun and games until a Taurus hurts your Cancer friend’s feelings and you, as a Libra, have to mediate. I just used a lot of western, astrological zodiac stereotypes in one sentence, but I mean, if you don’t know much about zodiac, you don’t get to be offended. And, if you’re like my friend Jason and you don’t believe the zodiac is real (aka, you don’t believe in letting people have fun), you thought that sentence was all a bunch of crap, and that’s valid too, you’re entitled to your opinion, Scorpio, but that doesn’t mean you have to take away the fun from Aries! Okay, okay, I’ve used A LOT of astrological stereotypes now, so let’s figure out where they came from in the first place.

The Babylonians were the first group of people to attach myths, legends, and stories to constellations and describe the 12 signs of the zodiac. Egyptians followed suit, refining the Babylonians work in astrology, but it was the Greek’s who had made the zodiac into its modern form. The Greeks were introduced to astrology during the conquest of Asia by Alexander the Great. Those who were interested in astrology at the time were Syria, Babylon, Persia, and Central Asia (generally). The Greeks had translated astrological writings from the international language of academic communication (cuneiform) to Greek. The names for both astrology and astronomy is also derived from the Greek word for star, “asteri.”

The 12 signs of the zodiac are as follows: Aries(March 21-April 19), Taurus(April 20-May 20), Gemini(May 21-June 20), Cancer(June 21-July 22), Leo(July 23-August 22), Virgo(August 23-September 22), Libra(September 23-October 22), Scorpio(October 23-November 21), Sagittarius(November 22-December 21), Capricorn(December 22-January 19), Aquarius(January 20-February 18), and Pisces(February 19-March 20). For brief descriptions of the zodiac signs you can look here: http://nuclear.ucdavis.edu/~rpicha/personal/astrology/. Now that you know your zodiac sign and what it means, you can feel as offended as you want about the previous stereotypes used in my introduction! Additionally, you can feel just as insulted by the following (silly) horoscopes that are rooted in my opinions of the zodiac signs (that mean nothing and are for FUN) by the people I know with those signs!

OCTOBER HOROSCOPES (I guess):

ARIES

Make an effort this month. Be a better human being, like you know you can be, Aries.

TAURUS

Don’t be that person; text them back.

GEMINI

Don’t have another mental breakdown.

CANCER

Yes, I know it seems like everyone’s talking about you, but you’re actually not that important.

LEO

Keep focusing on you, like you normally do, because only you matter, right?

VIRGO

Everything is going to plan. You’re on the right track. Just pop a xanax and calm down, alright?

LIBRA

Listen to the people you surround yourself with, Libra; you’re not always right.

SCORPIO

Green isn’t a cute color on you, Scorpio, try letting go of your grudges and letting your hair down.

SAGITTARIUS

Get a new tattoo (you deserve it).

CAPRICORN

Relax.

AQUARIUS

Wine can’t solve all your problems but it certainly can help.

PISCES

Your thoughts are not the only ones that matter. Try to pause and listen.

Horoscopes, clearly, are something fun to be interested in. A lot of people take them very seriously and a lot of people look at them for entertainment, either way is absolutely okay and valid because it’s how you want to look at them that affects the way you perceive the zodiac. People write horoscopes that are meant to be taken as a joke all the time on twitter, so that’s what I did here. It is all fun and games, or it can be all fun and games, just let your hair down, Scorpio.

Theodoros Karasavvas, The 4,000 Year History of Horoscopes: How Astrology Has Been Shaped Throughout the the Millennia, (2017).https://www.ancient-origins.net/historyancient-traditions/4000-year-history-horoscopes-how-astrology-has-been-shaped-throughout-021321.