“Wait, I’m Not Ready” and Other Thoughts from a Soon-to-be College Graduate

My journey through college isn’t unlike a lot of other people’s experience- I joined clubs, ate at the dining hall, and even tried my hand at Ultimate Frisbee. And as the end of my Undergrad begins to come, I’m left to face the reality of what comes after this. Of course, all of my fellow seniors and I are facing this new feat with a global pandemic in our faces; it’s almost like when you’re trying to get a picture of a beautiful sunset across a field and there’s a dog taking a crap in the far left corner; it’s not the picture we imagined it to be.

After four years and an additional lap around the academic track, the anxiety of adulthood is starting to settle into my bones. I’ve come to realize that this has been my best year of college, and I can’t help but feel a little bit robbed of what I really deserve. I finally made friends and got involved in the writing department, my grades are the best they’ve ever been and it seems like all of this happened right at the end of my college career. My wish list of things I wanted to do (and undoubtedly what I wish I didn’t do) grows every day, but there’s nothing I can do to go back and relive some of my favorite moments or change what I did.

I realize how comfortable I am within the structure of school. I have a set schedule every day and it is followed by a queue of assignments that are to be completed for the next class. This repeats itself for fifteen weeks and is followed by a two-month break before it starts again. Now what, I go into an office Monday through Friday and I don’t have an exact to-do list? Where do I check when my client’s deliverables are due if I forget to write it down? Is using a planner still cool these days? Am I supposed to get a hobby for when I come home from work?

The uncertainty of what comes after this makes my head swim with all the “what if”s in the world, but maybe it won’t be so bad. To all of my fellow seniors out there, we’re going to be okay. We’ll get the job and we will be overqualified to do the tasks at hand — and if we’re not, then we’re going to fake it ’til we make it. Our grades will turn into a paycheck, our backpacks exchanged for briefcases and business totes, and our parking decals will be replaced with our tassels hanging from our rear-view mirrors.

I am aware of the other options I have- Grad school, Peace Corps, an extended hiatus at my parents’ house- but I think I need a break from the structure that I’ve always known and my fear is often outweighed by the excitement of what it will feel like to put everything that I’ve learned to the test. We have just a few more weeks before our senior year is up; keep logging in to your Zoom meetings, even if it’s not mandatory anymore. Make sure you thank your professors, ask your classmates for their Snapchat because in another four years when we’ve gotten used to the structure of the business world, I know we’re going to look back and wish we had done just a little bit more.