You Knew it Too
I wallow in lovelorn sheets.
My pillows have grown sick
of me cursing your name.
This vicious game we play,
push and pull,
want me then don’t,
like me but don’t.
I knew the stakes,
yet oblivious to your rule book.
Masquerading as a “cool girl”
tossing and turning in the gray space
between friends and more.
My cheeks painted with tears
with a hollowed pit in my chest,
because I knew.
I knew I could love you
despite your clear disregard and disinterest.
I could have loved you
on the days your words are empty but vicious
on the nights you’re riddled with exhaustion
and every moment in between.
I could have loved you
silently, running my fingers through your hair
quietly, stealing a kiss between movie scenes
loudly, laughing in the kitchen with family
I would have been there.
I would have stayed.
I would have listened.
I would have cared.
I would have loved you
if you had let me.